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I like to write and scribble my thoughts so whenever I have the time I'll share some stuff with ya... Please don't steal it though... My creativity belongs to.. uh, ME!
My Torture: Shackled
Confusion, Intrusion
Your voice into my reveries
My mind was vacant, at ease
But your hauntings
Destroyed the peace.
I've given up tranquility
Shackled by your persistence
Of your hand-cuffs,
I am never free.
To let go is painful
To be prisoner, as much torture.
Constantly disdainful
This shackle around my heart
Is becoming a scorcher
You are my torture.
This piercing feeling in my chest
Makes me forget all the rest
My aching I don’t comprehend
My torn heart won’t seem to mend
With every time you build me high
The further you drop me,
When I cannot fly.
All this blame I put on me
Repeatedly you’d think I’d see
The thorns are growing on the ground
But internal torment is all around.
Externally I think I’d chance
But I’m exhausted from this dance.
The rain is pelting, the sky is black
My heart is melting
I want myself back.
Words cannot change your mind
But they can excrete the torture
From my past left behind.
I dig myself deeper by the words that I say
But this game is a dangerous one that I play
I win or lose my soul or my life
To risk or gain my guilt through my strife.
It’s all on the line
And all up to my knife.
Empty, shallow, hollow & alone
I've got that crushing feeling grinding to the bone.
So engraged and so outraged-
What are the words?
Meaning all the same thing -
All eqauling hurt.
No concentration through the throbbing in my head
& the stinging in my chest.
You've taken my soul now I'm stuck with the rest -
For eternity.
Not how I want to be.
But what are wants,
When what you want's yourself.
How does it get that way?
Who is myself today?
I'm weary and worn and I almost don't care,
But almost is still far away from being there.
You heckle me with my own misgivings.
You make me hate to love.
When was that time when I thought we were ONE?
sweet solemnity
Sweet solemnity you give me freedom
but youre a restraint.
you are a taste of expression,
when the words of the world are faint.
You provide me with strength
from exposing my weakness,
you are the black candle illuminating the darkness.
The sadness when I prefer happines,
but the true desire of my heart.
[a real weird girl with no friends]
I don't have a way to be me anymore.
I've made up so much that the real me has fallen to the floor
When I came to this place-
As a funny looking face,
I had to jump onto this ride of fake and sham.
Now I don't know who I am.
I expect him to love me-
But I don't know the true me.
It makes me wonder who I can trust.
If I'm only a mask then who does he lust?
Is he wearing one himself?
No guidance here is what I've found.
My dream is that someway I could turn around.
And start again.
But what would I do then?
Be a real weird girl with no friends?
I think that's the way either story ends.
Drowning
Your love is like an unstable wave.
When it's full and fierce,
It wraps around me & sweeps me off my feet.
When it's receding, inch by inch-
I'm left ashore, slowly suffocating.
High & Dry,
I need a life-raft
And when I think I have found one
He strands me all the same.
Do I deserve to be lonely in my life?
I can't help but feel,
I caused my own self this strife.
From no one do I recieve welcome
Into no one's heart have I swam
So I'm stuck here treading water
Trying to paddle opposite from who I am.
When I say I'm fine,
You're aware that I lie
But it's not in your best interest
To stop and wonder why.
How to fix myself - I do not know
So I'm stuck in your wave when they tell me to go with the flow.
[tears into my pillowcase]
[I feel sorry for my pillowcase
It's worn black and blue
Mascara and eyeshadow
All bled on because of you
Lonliness has caused me pain
So much more than you can know
If you're ever curious
Just ask my pillow.
It hears my screams, my sobs, my dreams
My nightmares and my sighs
If tear drops didn't dry away
An ocean - would be the size.
My pillow will stay next to me,
Even when you're not
My pillow is my security -
My pillow's all I've got.]
[second try]
[When you're looking for a second chance
Sometimes it's hard to get.
it's hard to prove yourself again
And you haven't gotten there yet.
You have to make it perfect
Erase what you had done,
'Cus when it comes to bein hurt
You're not the only one.
You can try to erase the past
But erasers leave dust behind
And the dust isn't a blast.
You can resort to white out
The white out for your lies
But the white out won't give you
Anymore second tries.]
[one thousand words]
[my pen aches to bleed to you
but what i want to say won't do
one thousand words won't win your heart
when one of your smiles tears me apart.
if i could only make you see what i see
but paper doesnt show feelings that easily
one thousand words won't do me fine.
one thousand words won't make you mine
sometimes you think of her during the day
will you tell me what you feel?
So i will know to go or stay?
Even when my words work,
you ignore your feelings.
one thousand words won't change anything
even though I wish they could.
one thousand words won't melt your heart,
even though I i know they should.
I'm sitting here with pen in hand
i should stop writing while i can.
What is worth the effort of these rhymes?
Meaning nothing to you and wasting my time
I'm moving on,
My words will go
It's beginning to end this whole episode.
One thousand words would not do the trick.
So thinking of you now makes me sick.]
[failure to see]
[Tired eyes and failed tries
to make your love last
often complicate your future
and demolish the joyful past
when there is no hope
and all love is lost
look to summer warm and dry
not spring, cold with frost
what can come of hanging on
when love wants to set you free?
if you dont give up
and love is still blind
How are you supposed to see?
Hearing goodbye will not do the trick
so why don't you give up
stop making yourself sick.
you once had a chance
to prove yourself
but that chance has long since gone
just try to focus on your wealth
instead of what you've lost
accept the truth that they have left
and dont want you crawling back
erase the scars from your heart
instead of keeping track
tired eyes and failed tries
havent gotten you anywhere
so let go, stop holding on,
and act like you don't care.]
[how]
[More, More, More I crave
this longing for more is digging my grave.
Never ever happy with what I possess,
this craving for drama though makes life a mess.
I'd change, if only i knew how.
I want someone to help me-
Someone to show me,
I can't seem to find someone-
I'll have to myself.
But I can't just set my feelings on the shelf.
Where do they go?
And how do they leave?
How do my goal I achieve?]
[too]
[Is my hair the wrong color?
Is it the wrong length, the wrong style?
Are my eyes the wrong color?
The wrong length, the wrong width?
Is my nose to big?
Too small, too flat?
Are my lips too small?
Too red, too pointy?
Is my chest too big?
Too weird, too THERE?
Are my hips too wide?
Too fat, too chubby?
Are my legs too short?
Too muscular, too tan?
Are my feet too long?
Too worn, too used?
What's wrong with me?
Why aren't you sure?
You say I'm beautiful.
So what's the cure?
Isn't it enough to be what I am?
Or am I just not good enough
For you.]
[blame]
I see a boy from my past.
Our happiness shared is fading fast.
Growing apart and not knowing why-
Only solution: to curl up and die.
Insults and accusations
All false and with hate.
They're burning me down
I welcome Hell's Gate.
Have I done something wrong?
Do I deserve the pain?
Your bitterness and stabs in the chest
Are sure to send me smothered and slain.
The only silence,
I fear I lack,
Is the silence of
Him loving me back.
What hurts worse
Than doing him wrong,
Is being stuck in a blame of which I don't belong.
